That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
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Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
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I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!