We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.