I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify