I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
