Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
