; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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