My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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