Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
