I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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