with your own penis?
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
