He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
