im gay
i know
yea but for you.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
