K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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