He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
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Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
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Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
