Texts From Last Night

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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories

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  (605): I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories http://tfl.nu/0d8y
  Replies (14) Good night (4764) Bad night (671)
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  (310): View more from California

  my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.

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  (310): my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings. http://tfl.nu/sarg
  Replies (28) Good night (1320) Bad night (7053)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?

  (917): View more from New York City

  what kind of party is this?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  the best kind ever

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  (610): can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home? (917): what kind of party is this? (610): the best kind ever http://tfl.nu/ib1r
  Replies (22) Good night (8040) Bad night (1189)
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  (564): View more from Washington

  I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.

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  (564): I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home. http://tfl.nu/c3b2
  Replies (9) Good night (5541) Bad night (958)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated

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  (703): i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated http://tfl.nu/8rnc
  Replies (13) Good night (4648) Bad night (1217)
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  (807): View more from Ontario

  I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.

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  (807): I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill. http://tfl.nu/m363
  Replies (4) Good night (2431) Bad night (908)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.

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  (519): I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT. http://tfl.nu/zwn2
  Replies (3) Good night (2746) Bad night (667)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.

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  (908): Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay. http://tfl.nu/7deg
  Replies (5) Good night (1219) Bad night (660)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable

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  (562): We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable http://tfl.nu/eg4m
  Replies (3) Good night (1825) Bad night (509)
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  (438): View more from Quebec

  Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.

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  (438): Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up. http://tfl.nu/g79y
  Replies (4) Good night (1419) Bad night (743)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W

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  (603): Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W http://tfl.nu/om4e
  Replies (3) Good night (601) Bad night (640)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success

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  (413): The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success http://tfl.nu/ro65
  Replies (2) Good night (482) Bad night (882)
• Favorite

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?

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  (732): Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right? http://tfl.nu/3fwy
  Replies (9) Good night (805) Bad night (334)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.

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  (908): On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ. http://tfl.nu/spxo
  Replies (1) Good night (497) Bad night (228)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up

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  (603): Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up http://tfl.nu/zd9p
  Replies (1) Good night (395) Bad night (188)

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