you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
