I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.