I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
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I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
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its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken