I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.