Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?