Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
