I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
