Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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