Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
