When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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