This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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