We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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