Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My vagina is officially offended.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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