Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
