You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
If I die, sorry about rent.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
