I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
