My nipple is on Facebook.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
