Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i think i scared a bird with my dick
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
