Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
