Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
