I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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