That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
