Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
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This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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