i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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