Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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