Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
