She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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