Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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