I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
