My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
