You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
