what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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