Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
