I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
