i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
