dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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