How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Floor bacon is actually really good
Randomize
