yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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