he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
