I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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