I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
