My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she pinky promised me she was 18
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
