i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
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Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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