i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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