is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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