I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
