wake up i wanna do it froggy style
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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