I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
