Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
