so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
