Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
