Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
