Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
