ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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