You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
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