how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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