I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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