Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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