Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
