Sry I called you an 8
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..