Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
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I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
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Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it