sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw