Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!