I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
